Six years ago last week I had a beautiful, vibrant, energetic, brilliant, young woman die in my arms. Literally. It was the most shocking and life altering event to ever occur in my simple existence up until that point. Of course there have been major events that I've lived through - traumatic childhood experiences, 9/11, getting sober...but this one took the cake.
Don't get me wrong - 9/11 was a catastrophe beyond words. The absolute desperation I experienced because of drug and alcohol abuse found me in Recovery shortly before I turned 25. However, Anne dying was THE thing that set a fire under my ass, it was the ultimate reminder that life is.so.short. and nothing short of a total life makeover was in order.
Like so many, I had found a groove in Corporate America and was making a decent paycheck, had decent benefits, was driving a decent car, living in a decent apartment (actually I was renting a room in a large house which was decent). I was "safe". I was also very unhappy.
Serendipitously, I had a conversation with Anne just 20 minutes before her heart unexpectedly gave out about just how unhappy I was. She had asked me how I was liking my work (besides coaching, which was the air I breathed at the time) and I told her that I hated every minute I was in the office. She was totally not OK with this. She told me that I should "love the work you do". She said that I should "walk in your purpose". Although these sentiments were very sweet, I also thought they were quite immature because 'walking in my purpose' surely wouldn't pay the bills! Then, she died.
I spent the next few weeks going over and over and over that conversation...and finally made the decision to !@#$ it. Dive in. Do what I love. Or - at least FIND what I love and do it. Not only do it either - Live it. Breathe it. Obsess over it. Share it. Every single day. And that's what I did.
I've spent the last 6 years learning, growing, and building my understanding of Health & Wellness and the Amaze Fitness brand. I have had the honor and privilege of studying under and working with some of the most fantastic people around. I have built a community around myself of like-minded individuals and have generated a clientele that I love more than words. I have SO much to be grateful for - and you better believe I thank my Higher Power every single day for the Grace and Goodness that has been generously given to me.
But.
I've found myself very unhappy again. It happened slowly. I can't put my finger on it - it definitely started to creep early this year (2016) - and crescendo-d a couple of weeks ago. I had a complete melt down. My very best friend was in town visiting (she lives across the country and I hardly get to see her anymore), and I couldn't bring myself to be happy even about that. She held me as I cried and shared about how restless, irritable, and discontent I've become. What's worse - is there is NO REASON to be so miserable! I do work that I love (and am good at)! I am in the most stable, consistent, loving, and genuine relationship I've EVER been in. I'm sober, healthy, as I've said am surrounded by some really incredible people, live WAY above 'decent' standards...yet I had become a ball of anger, resentment, fear, self-loathing, and self-pity.
It's been so frustrating because I'm doing everything "right" too. Don't get me wrong - I'm far from perfect - but everything that I'm "supposed" to be doing, I'm doing. I pray, meditate, exercise, go to 12-step meetings regularly and am active in that community, watch my diet, pamper myself a bit, immerse myself in any inspiring content I can get my hands on, am as generous as I can be...you get it. I'm not feeling like crap and not doing anything about it. I'm doing EVERYTHING about it. To no avail.
Of course - what's happening in our country and communities isn't helping at all either. We are surrounded by SO much negativity right now, it's a little overwhelming. I realize that I'm in the majority right now of people overwhelmed and that in itself is a little comforting but I want to feel good DAMN IT!
"I just want to be happy." How many times have I said this phrase? Thousands of times. Hundreds of thousands maybe. What have I done in the past to BE happy? I'm sure that the list of things I mentioned above contribute to my overall feeling of well-being and self-esteem (it's been said many times that "if you want self-esteem, do esteem-able acts."), however what is it that generates a resounding happiness in life? I believe the answer is Service. For me, anyways.
One of the founding fathers of AA Dr. Bob said, "Our Twelve Steps, when simmered down to the last, resolve themselves
into the words “love” and “service.” We understand what love is, and we
understand what service is. So let's bear those two things in mind."
Love and Service. It's so simple, really. Love others as I want to be loved. Treat others as I want to be treated.
In it's simplicity, I've been inspired to create Make America HAPPY Again. I want to love and serve my community & my country in a great time of need, and in the process hope to create and experience a collective, authentic happiness. Together.
Being 'Happy Again' implies that we've been happy before. Have we as a country ever truly been? I'm not sure. But - I know that in order for us to be Great, we need to be Happy.
Make America Happy Again will be a place of inspiration, celebration, and hope. It will be a place of positivity and somewhere we can recharge. My hope is to start a Happiness Revolution. What's the alternative?? Doing nothing doesn't work. Fighting certainly doesn't work.
Don't get me wrong - we definitely need to FEEL our feelings. We are absolutely entitled to feel sad, angry, disappointed, fearful, offended, and the like. These emotions are powerful and legitimate. I've heard people that I really respect say that they allow themselves to feel a certain way (when it is negative) for a limited amount of time (10, 15, 20 min...up to a day) and then they dust themselves off and begin to move on. The potential problem doesn't lie in HOW we feel, it's WHAT we do with those feelings.
I've taken too long to really do something about how I've been feeling. I'm not going to beat myself up for lost time - there's a lesson to be learned here.
I'm challenging myself and you to dust off and stand together. This is not a stand against hate - this is a stand FOR HAPPINESS. They say that "Where attention goes, energy flows". And although these Anti-Hate rallies have the best of intentions - we are still focusing on what we want LESS of, which is Hate. Let's not even say the word. Let's focus on what we want MORE of: Love. Peace. Equality. Generosity. HAPPINESS.
The official Make America Happy Again site will drop December 1 (www.makeamericaHAPPYagain.org) and I'd be thrilled to have as many contributors (content, design, etc.) as possible! This is not my site, it's ours.
If you'd like to be a part of this movement, email me at wendy@makeamericahappyagain.org for more info.
I hope you all have the HAPPIEST of Thanksgivings surrounded by your family and loved ones.
"A good place to be happy is here. A good time to be happy is now." ~Unknown
